I'm Having A Hard Time Being Single

I guess I need not explain as to why my post is titled that way. Five months have passed and I am still single, and I am honestly having a hard time being one. I guess it is because I got used to being 'in a relationship' that is why I am like this. For other people, it is practically very easy to live life even if they are alone and not having a lover. Well for me, it is really hard. I badly want to be in a relationship again, with high hopes that my boyfriend would be my husband and partner for life when time comes. But right now, I am having a hard time looking for a guy to take up that role in my life.

I will not lie if I say that I am quite envious of the ones now currently involved in a romantic relationship. Even, I guess, the ones that became couples too quickly, even time did not notice it (though I know the consequence of losing the relationship early due to a weak foundation earlier in the relationship). I frequently question myself: "Why is it that no man would want to become mine?" Why? I am capable of loving! And yet fate, destiny, or a certain living Deity has deprived me of the one thing I ask for right now. Is it because I am not that beautiful? Not that thin? Is it because I do not fix myself much, or put make-up on my face? Is it because the only things I know how to do are reading, writing and make arts and crafts? Is it because I am weird and I do not go with the flow of what is 'in' right now? Is it because of the many questions I ask? Or... Is it because I will never really be in another relationship again?

I am quite pissed off and angry, but I do not know who I'd blame for these feelings. Even I, the one feeling all these negativity, do not know who these are for. It is very easy to point a finger, but it is hard to give reason as to why I would put the blame on whoever I would. Sadness, anger, hatred and fear are the feelings I carry in my heart right now.

Sometimes, I would just think of flirting with different boys, let my confidence reach its limit, be a bad person, or get myself drunk. All these I am willing to do just to forget thinking about the hardship of not having a boyfriend. Sometimes, the hardest decision is made: on whether or not I would still continue living. You know? So that I would need not to think about all the pain I am experiencing right now. I only wish for one thing: to be with a guy who would help me change these negative feelings or remove them, or if not, simply change my outlook in life and in love. My heart is not numb. At least not now. But I am feeling the end of the softness of my heart, as it is ready to be completely numb and hard as a rock. I fear the day that a man would come up to me to soften it, but he could not anymore.

Others say, 'Time is all you need,' 'Just wait. He's just around the corner, waiting for the right time to introduce himself to me.' But I guess when the day comes that I meet the one for me, I would not have to guts to play the game of love. My heart would be numb in totality, and would only hurt him if he offers his heart to me. We are both pitiful, but I would pity myself more. When I have no intention of gambling my heart again, there he would try to crush my unbreakable heart.

I am having a hard time being single, but I guess this sadness and smarting pain would all be temporary. I guess I would just have to wait for the day that my heart is numb and would not feel the pain and sadness of love. I would be free at last. Even if the guy was sent for by the president of the Philippines or the angels of the Almighty Father, I guess I would not love him, unlike the love, care and comfort I am willing to offer now. :(

(NOTE: I originally wrote this in Filipino, but since I'm more comfortable with English and my blogs are mostly in the aforementioned language, I just translated it.)

Keep Your Head Up!

Happy Birthday to me! :))

OK so... Out with being 18, in with being 19 ^_^ No difference though. I just aged a bit :P My family + boyfriend and I went out yesterday somewhere for a pre-celebratory lunch ;) Bad idea eating at the resto, though. Now my boyfriend (who seems to just love teasing me most of the time, but in a loving manner) has something new to tease me with :))

Well, since today is my birthday, what should I say? How should I act? I dunno, really. I actually don't feel the enthusiasm today. It's kind of like a normal it's-my-birthday-today feel. No giggly stuff and whatever. Yep. I'm kind of at loss for words as to how I'd react today :))

Anyways, I blogged this because I'm bored and I feel the need to update my blog ;) Hihihi :3

'Til the next blog! ^_^

My Philosophy in Life :)

"Appreciate and you will somehow be appreciated back." 

This is the philosophy I follow in life. In the midst of misfortunes, accidents, unessential things and series of unwanted events occurring in the present time, still, I find reasons to appreciate things that truly matter. The beauty of nature, the silence of the heart, and the fulfillment of contentment in life, and everything in between; they are all worthy of appreciation. 

People see things less now, especially when they think the value of that one particular thing is low. People appreciate the more extravagant things rather than the simple ones. They accede to the ones that gain more attention; ones that should not be given even a single ounce of it. How many times have we seen a pretty rose much more than a stunning tulip? When did we last appreciate the blue, untainted skies rather than the shapely clouds? To whom did we choose to feel indebted towards: the truthful enemy or the fake friend? See, we show appreciation to the things that are of lesser importance to us, or rather, those need not to be appreciated. It may get kind of boring to keep appreciating the old ones. Try seeing outside of the box and learn to be thankful for the other things outside of your "appreciation comfort zone". 

And what gift is reciprocated with my appreciation? Their appreciations. People who are thankful for things are also constant recipients of a million thanks back for whatever they have done to someone or for something. It's like that mantra for the Code of Hammurabi and the one Jesus taught us: "An eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth. Whatever you do to others will be done to you." Maybe not all will appreciate you, but hey, some will still.

Continue realizing everyone and everything's worth in this world, and surely, they will also appreciate your worth here. 

'Til the next blog! :D

Hmmmm... I Just Wonder...

OK so... There are some questions my World Literature professor posted after our discussion on Egyptian literature:

1. Are all human achievements futile after death? 
2. Who discovers one's purpose to live?

Well, here's a short thing of what I have to say about such:

1. Humans achieved so much so well in their journeys through life. But then again, after death, it all does become futile. Why so? Simply because a new life means a new beginning. Some people, if not all, believe that there is eternal life after one's earthly death. And because of such it is the reason that all things must be back to Square 1 and begin everything from the start. Only difference is, this start has no end, and it will continuously go on. 

2. As for the discovery of one's purpose in life, it is simply self-discovery. We go through this journey called life to find our purpose of existence. "Who are we?" "Why do we live?" "Exist?" It is for us to find out. No one can find out all these but ourselves. As we continue to walk our own "yellow brick roads" to the fulfillment of these things,  we will be in a never-ending cycle on search for our purpose in living in this place we call Earth. 

'Til the next blog, peeps! :))

The Life of a Writer (Well, Sort Of)

A paper. A pen. A very colorful and playful imagination. Well, a writer like me would not treat those as simply-owned things. To me, these are the ingredients to create a very good writer. I have to admit that I love writing, and it's as if it's already carved on my veins. It is my ultimate source of happiness, contentment, inspiration and appreciation for the gift of talents. (Hey, not everyone is gifted with the gift of written expression). I am blessed to be one of those who are blessed to have such talent. I used the write poems, sonnets, and even short stories. And until now, I still write on my journal. Every sheet of paper is like gold to me; every pen a mighty sword; every imagination kept in a treasure chest deep in my mind. One question: how did I come across discovering this dear talent of mine? Well, let me share you a piece of my life as a sort-of writer...

When I was in the 4th grade of my elementary years, my imagination got very vivid until I could not hold it on my mind anymore that I needed to just pour it out, express it, and just place it somewhere. Finding a pen and paper near me, I just started writing all of them. Added a few details here and there, edited them, and voila! I made my first story, "The Father and His Daughter" (R.I.P to it. I could not find it anymore) :(( And so it began; my appreciation for my gift. I started writing poems which were dedicated to my dear father. Then, as years went by, Shakespeare inspired me to try making some sonnets (the first being entitled The Sonnet of A Sweet Dream).

I am very jubilant about such, and I am blessed to have a deep appreciation for it. Up until now, I write the things that I see and experience, and even what my heart feels for the people I love the most.

(Phew! Ain't that cute? Oh well, 'til the next blog!) :)))

A Few Posts That Have Figurative Language In Them (a.k.a Figurative Language)

So recently, we made stuff about the different figures of speech. Well, I gave it a go. Just tried to actually post an actual blog that has an actual figure of speech included in the actual stuff. :)))

(I abused the use of the word "Actual". I love myself for it.) :))

1. My friends just kept talking and talking, that they filled the entire mezzanine (even the entire Paseo!) with jumbled words and misunderstood noises. Know what I did? I just sat there in one corner, looking like a living statue. I just, well, stared at them like how a predator would stare at his prey, or how a strict person would stare at someone sternly. They all just stared at me back. No, I still didn't utter a word. Kept it shut like a hibernated squirrel. 

2. As I have observed tonight, the glittery stars bowed down to the Lord of Evil Velvet Sky and were overshadowed by his Raven Knights. Poor stars. NO WAIT. Poor, deceived human beings. Not a lamp to shine on their inner eyes to free them from the blindness they've been stuck in for almost an eternity. 

And lastly, a special (figurative letter message for my dear boyfriend, Henrick) :">

3. Oh dear Henrick, I can't help but love you more and more everyday. Your voice soothes me like a cup of hot jasmine tea, makes me feel warm like a hand-crocheted sweater, and you care for me as though it's a true friend's care. One thing bothers me though... You are so tall, I can reach out the books in the library for you. :))

So there you have it folks. 'Til the next blog! :))

Back to Blogging

Hello hello :) I'm back to blogging after 12345 millenniums. :))

Anyways, there are a few reasons why I got back into blogging again:

1. I REALLY MISSED BLOGGING;
2. This is required for my World Literature subject;
3. I have loads of new things to share with everyone;
4. I just wanna see how my blogging skills are again after a super long time of not blogging;
5. I really just wanna blog stuff again.

Oh well peeps, it begins now. Hahahahaha. Hope you guys and gals read it again :D